Six months later…
My sweet little pandemic baby. My, how tumultuous this pregnancy and birth was. I thought the hardest thing I would deal with during this pregnancy was keeping up with my two toddlers at home.
Around 30 weeks, we were told he was IUGR (super tiny baby) and breech. Not ideal for an over-anxious mama. I spent the next five weeks doing everything I could to flip this baby including moxibustion (almost burnt my toes off with those) and doing handstands in the water. With each passing week, I had an ultrasound done and monitoring on the baby. He began to trend downward and so the plan to have an early delivery became apparent. Around 34 weeks, talks of a virus in China had spread to Europe. I filled my every waking moment with stressing about trying not to stress this baby out. I was panicked he wouldn’t turn, panicked he was too small and panicked this virus was going to reach the US right when I gave birth and kill all of us.
At 36 weeks, I met a physician who would eventually become the MVP of the birth. She was the only doc willing to attempt a version - where she digs her hands, arms and elbows into by stomach to physically move the baby into a head-down position. It was a hail mary. Considering I only have half of my uterus, the likelihood of this actually working was extremely small. I prepared myself for a c-section. With one week to go, Italy had been in shambles and New York was seeing it’s worst. All across the nation, hospitals were shutting down all visitors, some weren’t even letting in the birth support person. My team of midwives, doula, birth photographer, husband and family was torn down to only my midwife and possibly my own husband. My priorities began to quickly change and I spent hours bouncing between praying he would flip, be healthy, that my husband could be present and that I wouldn’t catch this deadly virus. I remember staring out my window cussing under breath at the people so casually walking by without a care in the world. I felt so much anger and anxiety toward the world. So. much. anxiety.
The day of the version and induction/c-section was so full of fear. I remember taking a pause before walking in, deeply breathing and visualizing what life looked like on the other side of this very tall and thick brick wall.
My doctor performed a miracle and flipped that little stubborn baby of mine into a head-down position twice because he flipped himself right back around the first time she did it. I had to wear a tight belt to keep him in place throughout all of labor. The intense pressure I felt during that procedure is not one I want to experience again.
After the epidural wore off from the version, Pitocin began and I was officially on the clock. The hospital was eerily quiet and dark; no family, no visitors and minimal staff. The fear was palpable. I had to forget about the virus and focus on laboring (with my giant girdle on). I rocked the contractions up until I did NOT any longer. They were coming hard and heavy and I begged my midwives to check me. 6cm. SIX. I 100% wanted to quit. I said “I don’t know you guys. I don’t know if I can do this” about 20 times. Thank goodness they didn’t let me give in because just before midnight that little IUGR baby of mine came roaring into the world at a healthy 6lb 7oz - just the right size. :)
Now that I’m 6 months on the other side, the virus still terrifies me and I will do anything to keep my crew safe, but I have finally lived the one visualization that kept me going throughout the last few weeks of pregnancy.
We’re here, we’re together and we’re healthy. I am so beyond thankful.
Welcome to the World, Arthur Jonathan.
